If you are in a relationship with someone who regularly pushes you away, is aloof and emotionally unavailable much of the time, or is unable to make a commitment than you might be in a relationship with someone who fears what is called engulfment. Engulfment can be more difficult to detect because often the partner who fears engulfment has learned to cope by projecting an heir of self confidence and in our society this type of body language might be construed as strength. But, in reality, this type of individual feels as terrified as their fellow traveler who fears abandonment. Following is a list of characteristics often attributed to an individual who fears engulfment.

1. Frequently needs space and distance. Everyone needs space but the person who
fears engulfment may need a level and extended amount of distance that would
partners or draw attention make most partners feel insecure.

2. Feels smothered by partners attention.

3. Maintains secrets, a secret life, and doesn't like it when being asked questions.

4. Interprets giving and receiving as smothering and an obligation.

5. Insists on being in control of the relationship and is prone to making unilateral
decisions regarding the relationship.

6. Maintains rigid boundaries which makes it difficult for partner to achieve
greater level of intimacy.

7. Sometimes plays the role of the seducer and then withholds.

8. Feels embarrassed or angry by assurances from partner.

9. Feels threatened and annoyed by partners expression of emotions

10. May accept and use sex as a substitute for closeness.

11. Frequently comes and goes in the relationship without much sensitivity to
partner who may feel insecure of their comings and goings.

12. Comes across as aloof and even cold when they let their guard down.

13. Becomes anxious by extended togetherness which may show up on vacations. Also,
may prefer to take vacation with others who do not require intimacy.

14. Intellectualizes and replaces feelings with logic.

15. Seeks connections but not closeness or intimacy. Prefers network of friends who
do not require closeness.