What “does” a healthy relationship look like? For those haunted by dysfunctional relationships of the past one may not easily recognize what is a healthy or unhealthy.In this blog entry I want to explore what a healthy relationship might “potentially” look like. Of course, no relationship is perfect and one has to be careful expecting or idealizing our partners or interpersonal relationships butI do hope the following examples listed below will help identify and clarify the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship.


Healthy: Seeks to negotiate and does not attempt to control their partners.

Unhealthy: Seeks to manipulate the relationship in an effort to influence one’s partner to give into them.

Healthy: Hopes and expects partner to “moderately” fulfill needs.

Unhealthy: Expects and puts pressure on partner to totally fulfill their needs.

Healthy: Wants partner who is a companion but respects their need to be an individual and be alone at times.

Unhealthy: Expects and might even demand their partner end their loneliness.

Healthy: Accepts you as fallible.

Unhealthy: Never wants you to betray or let them down.

Healthy: Committed to a bilateral style in processing and decision making.

Unhealthy: One person makes unilateral or secret decisions regarding relationship.

Healthy: Respects the others timing.

Unhealthy: Insists problems be fixed in accord with their timing.

Healthy: We hope we both grow from conflict.

Unhealthy: We want the other to learn a lesson.

Healthy: We let go of our attachments and demands in favor of a resolution
we can both live with.

Unhealthy: We demand on getting our way.

Healthy: We acknowledge and are aware of relationship complexities.

Unhealthy: We only see things in black and white.

Healthy: It is acceptable to agree to disagree.

Unhealthy: Ambiguity is not acceptable.

Healthy: We ask for space when we feel engulfed or crowded

Unhealthy: We leave or abandon our partners.

Healthy: We acknowledge our shadow self even if we don’t understand it completely.

Unhealthy: We see others shadows but not our own.

Healthy: The relationship is reciprocal.

Unhealthy: The relationship is one-sided and one partner is passive.

Healthy: We desire and hope for regular contact with our partner.

Unhealthy: One partner is “desperate” for contact.

Healthy: We feel secure most of the time.

Unhealthy: We are always in doubt.

Healthy: The relationship is egalitarian.

Unhealthy: The relationship is predominantly hierarchical with little flexibility.

Healthy: There is mutual agreeable dependence.

Unhealthy: One partner is a caretaker or rescuer.

Healthy: Both partners are willing to take risks and explore beyond what is familiar
and comfortable.

Unhealthy: Partners exclusively keep to that which is comfortable and familiar.

Healthy: We are able to feel compassion for our partner when they are less than mature.

Unhealthy: We look down at our partner when they act immature.

Healthy:We don’t give up on ourselves or our partners even though we may no longer
be able to stay with them.

Unhealthy: We give up easily on ourselves and our partners.