Couples feel they are loved when they feel genuinely held, that is, when their partners provide both warm contact and gentle space that lets them be…Contact involves meeting, seeing, touching, attunement, connection, and care…Partners also need to be given space---room to be, themselves. Contact without space can become intrusive, claustrophobic, smothering….and when partners fail to provide this spaciousness, their partner feels smothered and controlled…then…they are vulnerable to become overly oriented towards pleasing their partner and fitting into their partners designs and plans, thus losing touch with their own sense of being. And, when a partner does not provide warm emotional contact, then their partner may experience feelings of loss, neglect or abandonment.

The challenge in my experience is sustaining an equilibrium where neither partner feels neglected or smothered. Perfect balance is not achievable but regular communication between partners can potentially reduce the anxiety that fills the gap between one's legitimate need for space and connection.