Thursday, March 27, 2008
Here are a couple of quotes about relationships that I like and a few brief comments by yours truly….
"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
Reminds me of the sayings, Birds of a feather flock together….or….it takes one to know one….
"It is the things in common
that make relationships enjoyable,
but it is the little differences
that make them interesting."
I have felt for some time now that we place too much emphasis on our “differences” and we often fail to appreciate the potential value of our differences….
"When you're attracted to someone it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously, so what we know as fate is two neuroses knowing that they're a perfect match."
Ah, this verifies what I have suspected for some time now, falling in love is a symptom of temporary insanity.
"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
Reminds me of the sayings, Birds of a feather flock together….or….it takes one to know one….
"It is the things in common
that make relationships enjoyable,
but it is the little differences
that make them interesting."
I have felt for some time now that we place too much emphasis on our “differences” and we often fail to appreciate the potential value of our differences….
"When you're attracted to someone it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously, so what we know as fate is two neuroses knowing that they're a perfect match."
Ah, this verifies what I have suspected for some time now, falling in love is a symptom of temporary insanity.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Thomas Moore writes:
Romantic love is one of the most powerful means for pulling us out of literal life into play. In the trance of love of love, we may neglect life duties and obligations, we may make heroic efforts to be with our beloved..To be in love is to be in play, to be taken by it’s illusions….From the point of the view of the soul, romantic love is trustworthy because the literal concerns of life are set aside. The soul has room to go into action, and its action is always in the nature of play...and…in our childish attachment to romance we are championing the way of the soul, its thirst for pleasure, and its inescapable need for experiences that may or may not be conducive to productive lives...and…no matter how unrealistic in relation to the structures of life, no matter how illusory and dangerous, romantic love is as important to the soul as any other kind of love….
For most of my adult life I never thought of romance as something “powerful”, “trustworthy”, magical, and certainly not as “important to my relationships as some of the other aspects of love, like sacrificial giving or providing economic security…and……Like many men my age I was socialized to think of romance as a prelude to sex and something we are expected to never forget on Valentines Day, Birthday’s and Anniversaries. While romance was something I enjoyed most of the time it was quite frankly somewhat of a burden because it was often communicated to me that it was something I was expected to “initiate”…in other words…it was part of “my” job description and thus I subconsciously resented romance, particularly during the Valentine Day season which to this day I feel is more about profits for greeting card companies and the flower industry…but…I have learned, the hard way, to keep that cynical perspective to myself.
It is often said that you often don’t miss something until it is gone and I confess I probably miss romance more than just about anything about being married except for the special family times during the holidays and vacations. It can be brutal being single during the holiday season and going on vacations alone gets old after a while….It has been ten years since I shared a romantic evening within the context of marriage. That is not to say I have not had any romance for ten years because I have experienced many romantic moments since I have been single and the potential for romance excursions is probably the thing I now enjoy most about being single and thus now feel that “romantic love is as important to the soul as any other kind of love”…and…if I ever remarry I intend give more attention to this aspect of my relationship than I did before because I can’t imagine a relationship with frequent romance…but…I also believe romance works best when there is reciprocation. I mention this because “some” partners choose for a variety of reasons to defer this all important aspect of the relationship to the other partner…but…as you know, it takes two to tango….
Romantic love is one of the most powerful means for pulling us out of literal life into play. In the trance of love of love, we may neglect life duties and obligations, we may make heroic efforts to be with our beloved..To be in love is to be in play, to be taken by it’s illusions….From the point of the view of the soul, romantic love is trustworthy because the literal concerns of life are set aside. The soul has room to go into action, and its action is always in the nature of play...and…in our childish attachment to romance we are championing the way of the soul, its thirst for pleasure, and its inescapable need for experiences that may or may not be conducive to productive lives...and…no matter how unrealistic in relation to the structures of life, no matter how illusory and dangerous, romantic love is as important to the soul as any other kind of love….
For most of my adult life I never thought of romance as something “powerful”, “trustworthy”, magical, and certainly not as “important to my relationships as some of the other aspects of love, like sacrificial giving or providing economic security…and……Like many men my age I was socialized to think of romance as a prelude to sex and something we are expected to never forget on Valentines Day, Birthday’s and Anniversaries. While romance was something I enjoyed most of the time it was quite frankly somewhat of a burden because it was often communicated to me that it was something I was expected to “initiate”…in other words…it was part of “my” job description and thus I subconsciously resented romance, particularly during the Valentine Day season which to this day I feel is more about profits for greeting card companies and the flower industry…but…I have learned, the hard way, to keep that cynical perspective to myself.
It is often said that you often don’t miss something until it is gone and I confess I probably miss romance more than just about anything about being married except for the special family times during the holidays and vacations. It can be brutal being single during the holiday season and going on vacations alone gets old after a while….It has been ten years since I shared a romantic evening within the context of marriage. That is not to say I have not had any romance for ten years because I have experienced many romantic moments since I have been single and the potential for romance excursions is probably the thing I now enjoy most about being single and thus now feel that “romantic love is as important to the soul as any other kind of love”…and…if I ever remarry I intend give more attention to this aspect of my relationship than I did before because I can’t imagine a relationship with frequent romance…but…I also believe romance works best when there is reciprocation. I mention this because “some” partners choose for a variety of reasons to defer this all important aspect of the relationship to the other partner…but…as you know, it takes two to tango….
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Sam Keen writes:
"In spite of the deep seated craving for love, almost everything else is considered to be more important than love: success, prestige, money, power,---almost all our energy is used for learning how to achieve these aims and almost none to learn the art of loving"
Almost one out of two people who get married are going to get divorced…and…who really knows how many other people either feel trapped, disillusioned or greatly disappointed in their relationships. I suspect, it may be at least another twenty five per cent of the population…which….translates into a lot of people aren’t particularly happy or content in their relationships. There are no doubt many potential reasons for this current state of affairs, some, which may have little or nothing to do with the nature of relationships or the individuals involved. Years ago when I was wrestling with my own marriage challenges I concluded that there were numerous forces “outside” of my marriage that were creating tensions within my marriage. Some of these forces included demands and expectations at work and unrealistic expectations of marriage that are regularly perpetuated by the media, popular authors, and various religious communities…but…despite these outside influences it is my opinion that maybe the greatest culprit is the lack of education regarding “the art of loving”…I use the word art to imply and suggest that imagination and creativity are two of the primary ingredients needed in the relationship dance. …Learning the art of loving is a challenge because we are generally socialized to assume that relationships can be improved or fixed by simply following a set of time honored principles or formulas…which…may sell a lot of books but often may not work and lead to gradual disillusionment because they lack the needed ingredients of imagination and creativity…I concede that imagination and creativity are difficult to explain because their applications are limitless and vary from one person to another…which…requires time, effort, and practice on our part. Most people prefer what they consider “time honored” formula’s and principles because it requires less time and effort because all you do is follow what a popular author or book tells you to do and this approach is very tempting in a society where we are all pressed for time…but…buyer beware…while there is much one can gain from popular authors and books, without creativity and imagination, the relationship dance is reduced to a science and without art I am afraid our dance routine becomes too predictable which leads to boredom and may help explain why a lot of couples began searching for greener pastures…
"In spite of the deep seated craving for love, almost everything else is considered to be more important than love: success, prestige, money, power,---almost all our energy is used for learning how to achieve these aims and almost none to learn the art of loving"
Almost one out of two people who get married are going to get divorced…and…who really knows how many other people either feel trapped, disillusioned or greatly disappointed in their relationships. I suspect, it may be at least another twenty five per cent of the population…which….translates into a lot of people aren’t particularly happy or content in their relationships. There are no doubt many potential reasons for this current state of affairs, some, which may have little or nothing to do with the nature of relationships or the individuals involved. Years ago when I was wrestling with my own marriage challenges I concluded that there were numerous forces “outside” of my marriage that were creating tensions within my marriage. Some of these forces included demands and expectations at work and unrealistic expectations of marriage that are regularly perpetuated by the media, popular authors, and various religious communities…but…despite these outside influences it is my opinion that maybe the greatest culprit is the lack of education regarding “the art of loving”…I use the word art to imply and suggest that imagination and creativity are two of the primary ingredients needed in the relationship dance. …Learning the art of loving is a challenge because we are generally socialized to assume that relationships can be improved or fixed by simply following a set of time honored principles or formulas…which…may sell a lot of books but often may not work and lead to gradual disillusionment because they lack the needed ingredients of imagination and creativity…I concede that imagination and creativity are difficult to explain because their applications are limitless and vary from one person to another…which…requires time, effort, and practice on our part. Most people prefer what they consider “time honored” formula’s and principles because it requires less time and effort because all you do is follow what a popular author or book tells you to do and this approach is very tempting in a society where we are all pressed for time…but…buyer beware…while there is much one can gain from popular authors and books, without creativity and imagination, the relationship dance is reduced to a science and without art I am afraid our dance routine becomes too predictable which leads to boredom and may help explain why a lot of couples began searching for greener pastures…
This blog was created to explore the topics of love, romance, sex, marriage, and the nature of relationships. If you are looking for information to assure bliss and ever lasting happiness you will not find it here…but…if you are interested in learning to accept and embrace the “reality” of relationships, as they really are, then it is my hope you might find some wisdom or help here, or at least, someone else or a community, that is willing to explore the relationship dance with you.
Over the past 10 years I have been through one divorce and a couple of serious relationships where marriage was discussed and considered and I have spent a significant amount of time thinking, reading, and pondering about the nature of intimate relationships. I don’t make any assertions that I know anything more than the rest of society regarding what makes a successful or happy relationship but I can say with some personal conviction that I am much more aware of the various aspects and levels of relationships than I once was when I started this journey ten years ago. So, if you are interested in pondering with me the “nature” of the relationship dance then I invite you to read on and check in from time to time to read what I and others have to say…and…I have a hunch you may find yourself in the words, thoughts, experiences that are shared here in this space…and…it is my hope and prayer that those who sojourn with me on this journey will find some wisdom and peace of mind…
Acknowledgments….While I have done much of this journey solo, no man or woman is totally an island unto themselves and I am certainly no exception. Along the way I have received much encouragement and direction from my counselor and my thinking has been stimulated and challenged by such writers as Thomas Moore and Sam Keen…regarding Thomas Moore…Moore has written three books which will be quoted often and at length, Soul Mates, Dark Night of the Soul, and The Soul of Sex…and…without these three books I seriously doubt this blog would have ever been created.
Over the past 10 years I have been through one divorce and a couple of serious relationships where marriage was discussed and considered and I have spent a significant amount of time thinking, reading, and pondering about the nature of intimate relationships. I don’t make any assertions that I know anything more than the rest of society regarding what makes a successful or happy relationship but I can say with some personal conviction that I am much more aware of the various aspects and levels of relationships than I once was when I started this journey ten years ago. So, if you are interested in pondering with me the “nature” of the relationship dance then I invite you to read on and check in from time to time to read what I and others have to say…and…I have a hunch you may find yourself in the words, thoughts, experiences that are shared here in this space…and…it is my hope and prayer that those who sojourn with me on this journey will find some wisdom and peace of mind…
Acknowledgments….While I have done much of this journey solo, no man or woman is totally an island unto themselves and I am certainly no exception. Along the way I have received much encouragement and direction from my counselor and my thinking has been stimulated and challenged by such writers as Thomas Moore and Sam Keen…regarding Thomas Moore…Moore has written three books which will be quoted often and at length, Soul Mates, Dark Night of the Soul, and The Soul of Sex…and…without these three books I seriously doubt this blog would have ever been created.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)