It is a mistake to believe that we ever outgrow the primal need to touch and be touched, to inhale the fragrance and bear the sounds of intimacy…Touch is a powerful element in healing and a lover or a physician of the body and spirit has the obligation to use it wisely.
Growing up as a child I don’t really remember being embraced or touched much by my parents except when my mom got after me with a switch she made from the Mulberry tree in our front yard....so…as a youth I often associated touch with pain. As an adult, it has taken me an entire 50 years to gradually understand the potential “healing power” of touch. Touch can take many forms from holding hands, back massages, hugging, and spooning…and…what is healing or soothing to one person may not be true for someone else. What’s important is that we touch one another on a regular basis and for the life of me I don’t understand why we don’t touch more often. It’s free, soothing, healing, and one of the most enjoyable experiences in life.
About Me
- Bilbo
- This blog is dedicated to those interested in exploring relationships. It was created both for those who are either married or single. What is posted here reflects my own exploration into the nature and essence of interpersonal relationships over the past eight years.
8 comments:
Please don't take this wrong...but I noticed in previous blogs to mentioned divorce and other relationships...my question is do you think you would be writing about love, relationships, ect. if you had a successful relationship? You seen like a smart fellow and I just want to know what your response would be.
Hi Pippin,
Please don't worry about asking tough questions.. and... no I won't take anything you say or ask in the wrong way...You seem like a sincere person...regarding your question...a couple of thoughts...I probably wouldn't have created this blog space if I hadn't gone through a divorce. My divorce influenced me to spend a significant amount of time and energy thinking about relationships for the past six years...but...I also don't associate success with whether one has a divorce or not. I know alot of friends who remain married but have terrible marriages...and...although I have had two long term relationships which did not result in marriage since my divorce I do not consider either one of them a failure...
I'll leave you with this quote on relationships...
There is no use pretending that marriage is merely a continuation of romance, or just a ceremony that formalizes your relationship. From the moment you pledge yourselves to each other unconditionally, much will begin to change. As you make a hearth, the ancient gods and demons of childhood will return to live with you. Within the sanctuary of your intimacy, as the trust between you grows, you will finally become safe enough to allow your deepest fears of abandonment, your long hidden shame, your impolite anger, your infantile omnipotence, your vulnerable dreams, your secret virtues, and the deepest longings of your spirit to emerge into the cleansing light of day. At long last you may drop your masks, get offstage and explore who you are when you no longer have to pretend in order to win the love that can never be won. More than anything marriage is the way to heal ourselves and heal each other. For it is only when we are within the arms that hold us in our brokenness and splendor that we are set free to become ourselves
Hi Pippin,
Please don't worry about asking tough questions.. and... no I won't take anything you say or ask in the wrong way...You seem like a sincere person...regarding your question...a couple of thoughts...I probably wouldn't have created this blog space if I hadn't gone through a divorce. My divorce influenced me to spend a significant amount of time and energy thinking about relationships for the past six years...but...I also don't associate success with whether one has a divorce or not. I know alot of friends who remain married but have terrible marriages...and...although I have had two long term relationships which did not result in marriage since my divorce I do not consider either one of them a failure...
I'll leave you with this quote on relationships...
There is no use pretending that marriage is merely a continuation of romance, or just a ceremony that formalizes your relationship. From the moment you pledge yourselves to each other unconditionally, much will begin to change. As you make a hearth, the ancient gods and demons of childhood will return to live with you. Within the sanctuary of your intimacy, as the trust between you grows, you will finally become safe enough to allow your deepest fears of abandonment, your long hidden shame, your impolite anger, your infantile omnipotence, your vulnerable dreams, your secret virtues, and the deepest longings of your spirit to emerge into the cleansing light of day. At long last you may drop your masks, get offstage and explore who you are when you no longer have to pretend in order to win the love that can never be won. More than anything marriage is the way to heal ourselves and heal each other. For it is only when we are within the arms that hold us in our brokenness and splendor that we are set free to become ourselves
Since you have quite an extensive blog on marriage/relationships, I thought I would give you my feelings on the subject.
Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life.
The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. I believe God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. I further believe that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
I also believe the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. I believe in the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.
Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.
The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.
I believe that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, I believe that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
I believe responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere should promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.
Sorry that's its a little preachy, but its what I believe.
Hi Pippin,
Your response was a bit preachy, but I suspect you feel very passionate about what you believe. I also suspect you come from either a Mormon or conservative Christian background???? I was a member of the conservative Christian subculture for 25 years so everything you said sounds very familiar...If you want to discuss this issue more or anything I have posted on this blog I am all ears...
Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.
Wow - this sure doesn't give any practical help for say arguments, conflicts of opinion, what to do when one wants sex and the other doesn't, how to decide the family budget, what to do about a member of the family who suffers from emotional wounding in childhood and takes it out on spouse and kids....
Wish it were simple but marriage just sure as hell ain't.
Bilbo, I like your emphasis on touch. Wow. Powerful stuff. It is amazing how important it is. It's one reason I've been an attachment mother (nursing, family bed, snuggling on couches, touching my teens even when it seems they don't want it).
When you live alone, it's pretty critical to find your hugs! Hope you get them.
Hi Julie,
Nice of you to drop by...As I have gotten older and have become more self aware of my own desires and needs, touch, and physical contact has become much more important to me. I am not just talking about sex, but hugging, holding hands, and just lying close next to someone. Thanks for the encouragement. I am working on it...it's just so hard at this point in life...
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