Generally I don't like books that assert or even suggest there is a "magic formula" to this or that because formulas most often don't take into consideration individual differences and nuances... but... David Richo's book entitled How to be An Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, is the exception to my rule, in large part, because what he has to say is simple to understand, can be implemented by anyone who is willing, does get to the heart of what it means to love, imo, and he doesn't make any over the top predictions or promises. David Richo is a psychotherapist who leads popular workshops at the Esalen Institute which is a high profile workshop center near Big Sur California. Richo identifies the five keys to an adult relationship as the five A's which include attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. Over the course of the next few weeks I would like to write in detail what each one of these five A's refers to in more concrete terms using Richo's book as my primary guide. I'll begin with the first key which is attention.

Attention is to engage and focus on one's partner. It means being sensitive to their needs, desires, and feelings...it doesn't mean watching a person's every move, even if motivated from a desire to protect. This kind of attention isn't attention but intrusion and overprotection which will more likely drive a person away than draw them near to you. Authentic attention should be available at any time, not just when problems arise. Attention means noticing and hearing words, feelings and experience...and...authentic attention is generally best received when we can communicate to our partners that their feelings are neither right or wrong...they just are... and... we can show respect without judgment...and...when we can express attention with neutrality we demonstrate compassion which is a major building block to the foundation of any relationship...Attention also means focusing with respect and not with contempt or ridicule...and...includes giving attention to our partner's intuition and not simply dismissing their intuition as irrelevant or immature. You are taken seriously and are given credit when credit is due. When you are given the attention you deserve your fears are inquired about in a gentle way...and...finally, giving attention means to confront directly when displeased or hurt thus harboring no secret anger or grudges against your partner....but...confrontation is "always" done with respect and the desire to keep the lives of communication open.