A lot has been written about the different ways people show love…and…some popular authors like to assert that men and women are radically different when it comes to how men and women process and receive love. I don’t want to rehash the merits or credibility of the popular theory that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus but I would like to explore how different personality types “may” influence how we are able to accept the various aspects of love. In order to avoid becoming too complex and getting lost in the labyrinth of personality types I am going to limit the exploration to introverts and extroverts.

Psychologist David Richo defines extroverts and introverts this way…”An extrovert is animated by the company of others; an introvert is depleted by it. An extrovert seeks people with whom to socialize; an introvert avoids socializing. An extrovert is in danger of burning out; an introvert is in danger of isolation…For an introvert the inner alarm of physical sensation urgently warns: I have to get out of here. For an extrovert, the inner alarm blares: I have to be with someone”…and Richo concludes with, “In a relationship, these opposing styles can lead to conflict”…because…introverts can often feel smothered or trapped by their partners while extroverts frequently feel rejected or abandoned by their introverted partners.

How to love an Introvert

Validate their need for distance and space without taking it as rejection.

Let them initiate their own need for closeness.

Express gratitude, recognition, and kindness when your introverted partner demonstrates a willingness to accommodate your needs.

Respect their need to be alone at times.

Accept their personality without judgment.

Don’t try to change their personality.


How to love an extrovert

Take notice and an active interest in what their partners are doing.
Demonstrate that you at their side.

Include your partners in your life as much as possible without

Frequently demonstrate psychically and verbally your love.

Join your partner and share their interests in some way as often as possible.

Balance your need to be alone with your partners need for closeness.

Be careful not to judge your partner’s need for closeness and don’t communicate to
your partner that they are needy because they want to be close to you.


How an Introvert often shows love

They often notice a lot but may not say much.

They are generally not as critical “verbally”.

They will get close but only when they feel ready.

They feel appreciated but show it only when to do so is not embarrassing or required.

They grant more freedom to their partners and their lifestyle.


How an Extrovert often shows love

They notice you and tell you so.

They want and encourage their partners to be themselves.

They love to demonstrate psychical affection.

They show appreciation with words and actions.

They offer to include you in what matters to them.

Thomas Moore writes: “There is always a tension and a dialectic, a shifting back and forth—between concrete life and mental work on it, between living our loves and understanding them, between the desire for intimacy and the wish for solitude, between the soul of attachment and the spirit of detachment…and we may need to look for concrete ways to give life to both our intimacies and our solitude.”

In the realm of interpersonal relationships opposites often attract which means that it is common for extroverts to hook up with introverts. If both personalities can accept, respect, and are willing to give to the other according to the deep seated needs of their partners than ying and yang can co-exist and create beautiful music…but….if not…than conflict and tension will arise and if attention is not given to the needs of our partners than the relationship will wax and wane between the realm of heaven and hell.