The fear of abandonment/neglect and engulfment are two primary types of fear that both challenge and undermine a significant number of relationships. Following is a list of some of the causes and manifestations of abandonment to help identify why and how fear might be interfering with one's relationship. First I'll start with some of the causes and then follow with how fear of abandonment/neglect may manifest itself in a relationship. Some of this will be a repeat of what I have said elsewhere but I thought it would be helpful if I listed them all in one place.

1. Death of a parent

2. Physical abandonment or neglect. This might be caused by divorce,workaholism,
parental addictions, obsessions, or a host of other reasons.

3. Growing up in a foster home or moving from one family member to another.

4. Ongoing family dysfunction, chaos, and conflict.

5. Rejection from parents,siblings or peer groups.

6. Prolonged childhood injuries or illness.

7. Parents who are emotionally unavailable.

8. Being thrust into a caretaker role as a young adult.

So how might the fear of abandonment/neglect manifest itself in one's behavior in the context of a relationship? Here are a few possible examples.

1. Partner has a hard time giving space and the emotional pain is acute when a void
is created for any extended time which explains why partner may want to cling.

2. Partner pays too much attention, is overly accepting, and allows too much often
to their own detriment.

3. Willingly shares feelings and information in an attempt to create intimacy even
in early stages of a relationship. This can often either scare away potential
partners or draw attention to people who have similar fears.

4. Spends more time taking care of partners needs than their own which creates
an imbalance where partner may feel beholden and caretaker becomes resentful.

5. Defers to partner's timing and agenda because of fear of rejection.

6. Does not have clearly defined boundaries and thus tolerates abuse and
unhappiness in the relationship.

7. Becomes addicted to relationship and has a hard time leaving even if the
relationship is unsatisfactory. Fears loneliness and abandonment more than bad
relationship.

8. Hides anger but shows fear.

9. Rationalizes and excuses partners bad behavior and unhappy relationship.

10. Always walking on eggshells and is too willing to compromise.