In the previous blog entry I raised the possibility that there may be other forces at work which prevent us from providing the attention our relationships may need and deserve. In this blog post I am going to briefly take a look at just one of the factors that frequently and potentially may undermine our relationships. I use the word potentially because the individual nature of relationships doesn’t warrant a one shoe fits all approach to what makes a relationship work. I have seen and heard about relationships that would never work for me but apparently do for some. Heck, I have even heard about relationships working for people who live apart much of the year on opposite sides of the country. I’ll begin with one of the factors that is quite common and often goes under the radar when people are exploring why their own relationships are no longer providing the emotional and physical satisfaction they may have once experienced.

Workaholism---Because working hard and long hours is considered socially acceptable in this country, for the most part, this behavior doesn’t get the attention it needs in my opinion. I am not talking about working late from time to time but working long hours on a consistent basis or working so hard that you have no energy when you get home. If you question whether you fit into this category check the list at the bottom which contains some of the classic characteristics of a workaholic. Relationships require ongoing attention and if one or both partners become ships passing in the night or work so hard they have nothing to give at the end of the day, and emotional and physical needs go unmet, then it is generally only a matter of time until one or both of the partners may begin to drift, complain and nag each other.

Characteristics of workaholics


You talk about work all the time even when you are home.

You consistently choose work over family

You forget about non-work appointments and household tasks

You get anxious when you’re not working

You firmly believe that you can’t get it done right unless you do it yourself

You hide how much work you do

You take a lot of work home and do a lot of work at home even though you already spend more than eight hours a day at work

You choose to work on the week-ends frequently even though you are not required to.

You can’t shut your brain off from thinking about work and regularly can’t get to sleep at night.

You not only do not take time for your partner or family but you don’t take time to take care of yourself

You feel uneasy while on vacation and can’t wait to get back to work?

You communicate better with coworkers than with family and friends?

You associate success with hard work.

Your identity is primarily associated with your work and not with your marriage or family.

You frequently tell others how hard you work

Your emotional needs are almost exclusively met through your work and not your marriage/relationship and family.